Couples & Caregiving

Caregiving is stressful on couples! A strong partnership is a must for whole family health. Parenting children who have experienced trauma, attachment separations, foster care, or those with specialized needs adds yet more stress. Don't wait! Strengthen your attachment now – as in before, during and always while foster or adoptive parenting. Buffer your relationship for tougher times ahead. Embrace some new ideas below! Please reference our Attachment, Grief & Loss, Infertility & Miscarriage Grief, Parent Care, and Trauma pages for more resources.

Graphic courtesy of magical artist paulahansen002@gmail.com

"It is vital that couples go into an adoption with a relationship characterized by strong communication, cooperation, respect, and love. The challenges of adoption often exacerbate weaknesses in marriages...it can be devastating for the whole family if those weaknesses grow." ~Amber Lewis, LPC in Adoption Advocate, No. 144

Websites

Gottman Institute – author in ORPARC's library
Healthy Marriage Resource Center
Honestly Adoption – a foster-adoptive couple's articles on marriage – authors in ORPARC's library
The Bullits – family law attorney & C.A.S.E. adoption social worker & adoptive parent couple – authors in ORPARC's library

Foster-adoption competent counseling and support groups can be lifesavers for foster & adoptive parent marriages! Please visit our Find a Therapist and Find a Support Group pages.

Recommended Books & Articles

Couples, Caregiving and Attachment-related Materials in ORPARC Library

9 Ways Adoption Changes Your Marriage by Emily Westbrook
Acceptance From Your Spouse Can Heal Your Past: The Science Behind Marriage's Restorative Power by Joshua Pease
The Challenges of Adoption on the Marital Relationship by The National Health Marriage Resource Center
Do Black People Adopt? by Molly Cranna, mater mea
Dr. John DeGarmo, foster adoptive parent expert – author in ORPARC’s library
- How “NO” Can Strengthen Your Marriage for Foster Parents
- Making Marriage Work as Foster Parents
- Why Being a Foster Parent Can Stress Your Marriage
- Foster Parenting 101 and Marriage E-book (costs)
For Couples Who Adopt, How to Keep Your Marriage Strong by Adoption Advocate, No. 144
Honestly Adoption (now called The Resilient Caregiver) – authors in ORPARC's library
- 4 Reasons the Health of Your Marriage Must Come Before Your Children
- 5 Reasons Steadfast Marriages Build Healthy and Happy Kids
- 5 Ways Foster Care Can Destroy a Healthy Marriage
- Are You a Teachable Spouse?
- How to Safeguard Your Marriage While Raising Children with Special Needs
- Will My Husband Ever Be on The Same Page As Me With Adoption?
How Adoption Impacts a Marriage by The Chaos and the Clutter
Keeping Your Marriage Strong Through Foster Parenting by Love & Mother
Parent & Professional Care, Self-Love & You - Parent & Professional Care, Self-Love & You - An ORPARC Resource page
Relationship Quality from Pre to Post Placement in Adoptive Couples by South et al, 2019
Strengthening Your Marriage/Partnership While Raising Foster, Kin or Adopted Kids by Creating a Family
What Couples Who Adopt Children From Child Welfare Want Professionals to Know About Supporting Their Marriages by Mooradian et al, 2011
You Need These Resources for Your Marriage in Foster Care by The Forgotten Initiative

LGBTQ+ Specific – please also reference our LGBTQ+ Families Resource page

Divorce-related

7 Things Divorcing Adoptive Parents Must Do by Creating a Family
Divorce After Adoption by Jean MacLeod
Divorce Resources by Sesame Street & en español
Helping Your Child Cope with an Amicable Divorce vs a Difficult Divorce by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, author in ORPARC's library
Helping Your Child Cope With Divorce by Adoptive Families
Why Badmouthing the Other Parent Hurts Your Child by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker, author in ORPARC's library

Culturally specific

The Intersection Between Ethnicity, Caregiving & Culture by Cassie Green
Race & Relationships - so many articles!
Talking About Race - an ORPARC Resource page
Transracial Parenting/Cultural Diversity - an ORPARC Resource page

Videos & Podcasts

Applying TBRI® Principles to Marriage by Mamas Well (video)
Conversations for Couples Podcast by Julie & David Bulitt, adoptive parent couple – authors in ORPARC's library
Dr. Pauline Boss and Ambiguous Loss by the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapist (AAMFT) Podcast
Growing Up After Trauma with Dr. Julie Gottman Interviewed by Chris Dollard – covers how personal & generational trauma impact couples and much more! (article + podcast)
How Foster Parenting Has Changed Our Marriage (including our biggest fight of the year) by Happy Hoppe (video)
How to Feel Safe In Your Relationship with Bonnie Badenoch and Jayson Gaddis – author in ORPARC's library (video)
Keeping a Strong Marriage Through Foster Care & Adoption by Love & Mother – some faith-inspired elements (video)
Maintaining Your Marriage and Relationships with Adopting or Fostering by Creating a Family (podcast)
Parenting When Your Partner is Not on Board by Robyn Gobbel Podcast - author in ORPARC's library
Relationships are Hard, But Why? TedTalk by Stan Tatkin
Staying Connected to Your Spouse When You're Grieving Differently with Lisa Qualls by The Adoption Connection – author in ORPARC's library (video)

Attached: Are You Anxious, Avoidant or Secure?

At the root of strong adult relationships & caregiving for kids is...attachment. Learn more about your own attachment in Attached: Are You Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find - and keep - love by Dr. Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, MA Plus enjoy this short video based on the book by Practical Psychology!

The Five Core Conversations for Couples by adoptive parents David & Julie Bulitt

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman PhD

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terrence Real

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts & en español by Gary Chapman